Days 10-13

Oy. I'm getting tied up with various writing projects and, well, Life. Probably a good sign that my life is not revolving around this. This being The Letter. (The Letter being T.)

However, my body has been doing what it can to get my attention. I've had a couple of hot flashes. This Racehorse Anxiety, as I'm going to call it, has hit me at least once everyday. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin, but am managing not to do so with some deep breathing and a bit of Ativan. E. informed me on Wednesday morning that she thinks I'm beginning to smell different. And. Horror of horrors. I seem to be bleeding out my period A WEEK EARLY.

Okay, let's take those one by one. Hot flashes: It's winter, a little boost in my heating system's not so bad. However, hot flashes make me sweaty. I'm not a big fan of sweaty...mostly because it can lead to smelly if not handled properly.

Two by two. Racehorse Anxiety: Thank god I meditate and get some regular exercise, otherwise I'd probably clinging to the ceiling right now and shaking like a wet dog. The Ativan definately helps, but I am also trying to drink more tea.

(Tea. Get it? Haha... Aw, nevermind.)

Three by three. Smell: I now put a bit of deoderant on before bed. What can I say, I've always put a great deal of effort into my scent. Soap, lotion, cologne, how it mixes with my own pheremones, these are important things to me. The thought of smelling different is...okay, I guess. But the thought of smelling bad is appalling. I have a very sensitive nose and always have. I feel aware of my own smell in a way I never was before. It's not bad, yet, but the fact that I feel like I can smell myself is disturbing. Suffice it to say, I made E. smell me at least three times yesterday. I am somebody who smells good. I refuse to let that change.

Four by four. My period. I'm never early. I always get debilitating cramps (which I heavily medicate). This month, my period came early, no cramps whatsoever. It doesn't even really feel like a period. It just feels like my body's emptying itself out.

Oh yeah, and five by five, I'm frickin itchy. Down there. Can't tell if it's a moisture issue or a yeast issue, though I barely eat any sugar as it is, so I don't know what the yeast would be feeding itself on. But itching down there...man, it's like Chinese water torture. It makes me very cranky.

All that being said, I'm completely excited to get my next shot, on Tuesday. I hear if I slide The Letter into my leg oh-so-slowly, it won't be so sore over the few days following. I'm gonna try that.

I apologize to Chinese people if Water Torture is offensive.