Sadness

I feel this profound sense of sadness today. I can't explain it. he weather is better, overcast, but cooler. The air feels beautiful. And yet I feel hopeless. I gave up my routine this morning and watched a movie instead: Princess Mononoke. And still, I don't fel like doing anything. Should I force myself to do yoga? Should I meditate until it lifts?

Is it because I had wine last night? Is it the masturbation? Does it mess with my sense of self somehow? Do I feel bad about it and this imposed feeling of guilt (which is unnecessary) clouds everything?

Is it just a feeling to be waited out?

But I am to go to NYC tomorrow, and I feel more sadness at the thought. As if I am walking into the void. How will I manage to leave for 2 months in June?